Checkin' Back In

Hello, it's been quite a while. Hope you missed me. I did miss you that's why I'm breaking my long silence. Lost track of when I last blogged. I had checked and my last “decent” post was over two months ago. I have been silent while my mind has been abuzz. I couldn’t put my thoughts down, as I was afraid of the conclusions I would make if I did. Writing is a way of clearing my mind, going to the core of what’s been bothering me. Writing has to be heartfelt for it to be good; it exposes one’s soul so to speak. It behooves the writer to be true unless that writer is writing fiction or novels. But blogging is different. It’s personal, it’s mostly about one’s life, preferences, passions, advocacies, opinions, wishes, angsts, battles, all reflective of the blogger’s state of mind or, in general, the blogger’s present circumstances which are in large part the source of motivation to write or blog.

The fascination over having someone like you, even if there are just ten of you out there, reading me, empathizing or disagreeing with me, or maybe even bashing me, keeps me coming back. Times when I feel I need a little bit of attention or validation, and some introspection, I take to writing again. The thing with being out of radar for some time is that I start again fumbling, grappling, as I find my way to hitting the subject of this post. Please bear with me.

The last summer was one of the best I've had. I enjoyed it immensely with my children. It was my first summer when I was with them all the time except for a one-week vacation they had with my in-laws and a five-day summer camp that my eldest attended. We went on two outings with my side of the family, three with my in-laws, and one with just me, hubs and our two kids. The last one was with both sides, and I think it’s what the kids would remember the most, the trip to Enchanted Kingdom. But for me, I liked the Baguio trip the most although it was already June and raining when we went, it was like my first time again to experience its fog, veggies, strawberries, flowers, ube, markets. I was pregnant with my eldest, who’s now turning 12, when I visited Baguio before this last trip. Despite all the developments and the negative things said about it, including how its air quality is even poorer than Manila’s, Baguio has retained its charm for me. I look forward to visiting again and exploring it more.

I have amassed photos to keep from the last summer alone. I’m planning to make photo-books of each trip so my family could in a way relive the fun and drum up excitement for future vacations. For many years, a decade now, come to think of it, we’ve stopped printing photos, and just kept them in external drives and the desktop. This, to my little dismay, prevents me from retrieving very old photos and making throwback-Thursday (TBT) and flashback-Friday posts on fb or IG. Seriously! Well, yes, those who have been (tirelessly) following me on fb know that with all the fb albums I have, I can just extract old photos from there. True, true. But, the point is, I believe it’s important to also have photos printed and kept in boxes, or printed straight onto photo-books. Now, I know why I see plastic photo albums always on sale in bookstores. I have an empty one that I bought years ago but never got to use, and may never will.

Looking back again to my summer of 2014, I feel so blessed and happy being able to take my two children wherever. They are spaced six years apart, my eldest, as I’ve mentioned, is turning 12 this year, and my youngest just turned 6 recently. We would take off any time, and I only needed to pack their clothes and slippers. We would sit in restaurants and I could enjoy my meal as they enjoyed theirs. It has always been at the back of my mind, an option until now, to have another child. But, at my age, and at this juncture, it’s best for everyone that we remain a foursome family. I am not saying this in definitive terms, of course, as who knows what might tomorrow bring, right?

Ok, what was I afraid of again? I’m not saying. I have skipped it, thankfully. I will spill though when I have become comfortable sharing it. I’m just happy now for putting an end to my hiatus. I hope I get inspired again to share things happening with me and around me. Writing is fun. I derive great pleasure from it. You should try it. To end, let me share that my son bought yet another notebook and has been madly scribbling his thoughts wherever (I hope not during his classes). Happy thoughts and happy vibes to you and yours. J

Sharing some treasured photos:

BAGUIO

THUNDERBIRD RESORTS RIZAL

HOLIDAY INN

LA LUZ RESORT, LAIYA, SAN JUAN, BATANGAS

ENCHANTED KINGDOM

Of Writing

Just when I think I got something to write about for my first entry this new year, I lose it the moment I open a blank document. I stare at the white screen for a while, type a few words. But it’s no good. The ideas do not play out for me, and so I close the laptop, deciding to wait for the moment when the urge to write comes naturally.

I feel like I have lost much of the enthusiasm that got me "writing" again around the time I left my job last year to focus all my energy on being a mom. Ok, let’s add to that being a wife as well. Hehe! Many times – in the shower, in the car, at waiting areas, or in the grocery – ideas come to me. Phrases, sentences form in my mind. But my lazy self gets the better of me each time I think of the task of gathering my thoughts together, connecting them, and making sense of them to come up with a story.

Maybe I’m scared to face the new year because an even bigger decision than when I went on leave from work needs to be made in the not so distant future. I have to decide if I am going to report back at work. That major decision that's hanging in my head is kind of stifling me to a point of non-action. It compels me to reflect, to assess my needs and wants, to do an introspection. And that, my friends, is very difficult to do. It’s hard to go deeper into one’s heart and confront one’s own fears knowing especially that you live not for yourself alone.

What’s good about writing one’s own thoughts, feelings, aspirations, and what-nots, is that your medium (be it paper or the computer screen) becomes like a sounding board, a counsellor that only listens. It gives you a space to talk, to create, and it allows you to make amends, take back your words, and tell them again in better ways.

I get to know myself better when I write. I love to write, but I’m scared to write because it also brings to the fore my insecurities about this craft. I can not write as often as I want to. There has to be something that inspires me to do so. I am no writer, trust me. To non-writers, my writing may be perceived as good. But I am fully aware that to those who are really in the business of writing, this and my other posts are all “sh**ty”. Yeah, that’s my stark reality. But I’m cool with that because I am not really doing it for business. And this blog works for me. It gets me inspired to write. And since I only write about personal stuff, I need to “live” my life, to get out there and experience "life" so I would have stories to share.

I love the written word. I feel excited to use words I encounter reading the paper, magazines, and books. I like using words that only get to be read because they’re so archaic or technical that you will rarely hear them used in conversations, say in movies. I loved how one of my ex-supervisors (an expat) used words like “perplex” and swears when he was annoyed, “Bloody”. I like to think that words are my friends. They offer me relief, they give me company, they let me be me.

Thanks, my friend, for reading me. You could never imagine how much that means to me. I wish you all the best this year, and courage and faith to face the challenges that it may bring. A happy and prosperous 2014 to you and yours!

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Blogging

Hello blogspot! It’s been years since I last signed in, and I'm so pleased and inspired with the new "stats" feature that now comes for free. Writing is not as fun as when you know that somebody out there, maybe in Europe or in some other continent, has chanced upon your blog and actually liked the stuff you have put out. Regardless of how readers are affected, if at all, or if they get something from your writings, raves, and rants, it is still humbling that somebody has taken the time to look at them. As one doctor-psychologist told me recently, every person is guilty of the KSP syndrome (kulang sa pansin - or wanting in attention).

My blogs are just an outlet of my thoughts and feelings. Not the professional sort that gets a lot of traffic. But, "acromegalic princess" (see link on the right) got quite a lot of hits from many places via different search engines and referrals. That’s what I’ve just discovered yesterday, which is the reason why I am now writing, wanting to somehow update my two blogs. I joined blogspot in 2007 when I needed a support group to understand the condition (acromegaly) I was diagnosed with. I found great support from the group of acromegaly bloggers who actively share experiences about the shock of getting diagnosed with this rare disease, compare symptoms, and discuss treatments. I had two surgeries and have been in remission since my last surgery in 2009. As there has not been much to share since, I haven’t been posting updates.

So after being silent for years, I am struggling to get something out that would be of interest. Recently, I have helped my 10-year-old son, Garrett, to start his own blog. Initially, I helped him post several of his writings, one was a poem he did as part of his English class requirements, and the others were essays or lists he did on his own time and inclination. Ever since he has learned to read (at kindergarten), he has been reading a lot. I don’t know how he has become such a voracious reader. It has come to the point when we would punish him for some misbehaviours by not allowing him to read. And reading got him into writing. He would ask for notebooks and pens as gifts. I kind of knew he had a knack for writing because as early as when he was in Grade 2, his English compositions were written quite well. I would proudly show his English notebook to his aunts, and they would be impressed.

Some friends, seeming doubtful, have asked if it was really Garrett writing the posts on his blog. He’s that good! And I will not deny it out of humility. He really is. I, too, am impressed. He writes from his heart, unreserved, candid and carefree. That’s why his writings are such a joy to read. I am happy when some friends and relatives would say they are Garrett’s fans. Well, I can proudly say I am his biggest fan! http://agarrettlubag.wordpress.com

So there! Easily, this has become about Garrett. I’ve written about him before, and would like to share that again here (see 2005 entry). Many have read it already, but whenever I read it again, I become more thankful, more appreciative, and it helps remind me of my mission – to raise a child, and raise him well.