Am I a Helicopter Mom?

Like any parent, I have my momster/mom-zilla moments. And as a typical mother, I am guilty of always reminding my children of do’s and don’ts. It gets to the point that I hear my words echoing back, and dislike myself for sounding like a nagger. But how can I stop myself from always reminding them to wash their hands, finish their food, brush their teeth?

“Sige na. Kain na. Dali na. Bilisan mo na. Ubusin na.” These seem to be my everyday mantra, no matter that they seem to land on deaf ears. It’s like I say them automatically. It is frustrating. But without these prompts, I feel they would take forever to finish a meal or not care that they had anything to eat. Outside the house, it’s hard for me to just let go, let them loose, for fear they might fall or hurt themselves.

My husband does not approve of my tendencies to hover over our children like, as they say, a helicopter. I sincerely hope I have not become a “helicopter mom” the last three months that I have been with them full time. He says they will not learn independence and the consequences of their negligence if I do not relax my rules, let them be children, forget to brush their teeth, go hungry, forget to do homework, experience a bad fall (scary!), etc.

Often, I feel I go overboard with my litany of reminders. There were times before when I would writhe in anger, frustration and disappointment when my son lost yet another pair of rubber shoes. He lost three pairs in first grade, two in second grade, and one pair in third grade. How would I not lose my temper when the first thing I hear upon getting home, tired from work, is that he just lost the rubber shoes we bought only two months ago? Thank goodness he has stopped losing his shoes in fourth grade. He still would frequently lose his pencils and pens, and occasionally his face towels, which still gets to me sometimes but does not trigger a volcanic eruption so to speak. But thinking about it now, was losing a pair of shoes enough reason to berate my son, and make him feel guilty that he did not seem to care about the cost of buying another pair? I feel ambivalent now.

I wish I could take back my words. Sometimes I feel the need to confirm with my children their affection towards me. I ask, “Do you love, Mommy?”, wondering if they ever think of me in a bad light, and if their concept of love towards me diminishes. They say children are the most forgiving. That is very true. They cry (often silently) when they are emotionally hurt, but they do not hold grudges. They will always hug you back.

My son recently made a “family book” as a school project for his Home Economics subject. He created slides with pictures of his dad, sister and myself, and added narratives describing each of us. Creating slides for his dad and sister was easy because he just had to copy from his blog what he has already written before. He had to write about me to complete the family profile. 

Here’s what he wrote, which really kind of pinched my heart.

Note: He could not have written the last line - about me being being a good cook - before July 5, 2013 (my last day at work). I hardly cooked before.

He also made the slide below, which is really very biased, but swells my heart. P for Pretty!  :-)

The Mind Museum Experience (PART 2)

The bookworm in his happy place - museum. He's at home here more than at any place except of course the bookstore. :-)

Here’s part two of my post about the Mind Museum. As I said in the first part, this one’s about what’s inside the museum as seen and narrated by Garrett.

Garrett took his mini review one notch up by integrating his recent lesson in school about different kinds of poems. Although he sold me away at the outset, revealing that I nagged him to write about the trip, I thought it was a great blog post! He shared his experience his own way, stamping his ownership on the piece – all Garrett’s.

Oh, you must understand how a mom would always cheer her child’s little successes. Hooray for my little man, already a poet/writer/blogger!

Garrett is a big fan of museums. Hear and feel him as he tells you about his awesome Mind Museum experience.

Books vs Gadgets

Last month, I got invited to give a brief message at a preschool orientation for parents of incoming nursery pupils. I wanted to decline since I am not comfortable speaking in front of a crowd. But, I felt obliged to accept the invitation as I have great respect for the owner of the school (Teacher Maris), and I am grateful to the school for nurturing the young minds of my children. To save myself from episodes of jitters and blabbering, I wrote up the message and just delivered it reading from my copy on an iPad. :-)

I shared how I get my children to pick up a book over a gadget.

Here's my script: 

Let me start by saying that I am no expert. Like you, I am still a mom of young kids. I have two. My eldest is 10, a boy, and my youngest is a girl, who is turning 5 on June 24, and is with the prep class of Teacher Maris. 

My eldest is also a product of Shining Time Play Center (STPC). His name is Garrett. He started out with Teacher Maris at the age of 3. He was speech delayed, and was still taking speech therapy when he started nursery. He blossomed here at STPC. In the middle of kindergarten, I remember the day when he started taking interest in reading the newspaper, and my husband and I were surprised that he could already really read. It helped that STPC started their reading program with his batch, and although we were not able to put an entry into the home reading log-sheet every night, my son really developed a love for reading. At only 10 years old, he now reads even the Bloomberg Businessweek, and would eagerly open  our subscription when we get it in the mail. That love for reading started him on writing poems and essays. And if there's something I openly share and a bit of brag about on the web, it is his writings. I helped him put up a blog, and he now has followers aside from our relatives.

If with my first child, I did not have any difficulty getting him to read, it is with some effort that I teach my little girl how to do so. But as with all STPC students, when she finished kindergarten, she could get by reading simple story books. 

With the iPads and other tablets, iPhones and other smart phones, on top of Cartoon Network and Disney Channel, competing for their attention, it has become doubly difficult, I think, to get kids to pick up a book and read without prompts from us. My youngest is 6 years younger than her brother. Six years ago, Barney was the "in" thing. The latest phone then only had few games, and there were limited portable video games. It was when the PSP just came about. Now, as Teacher Maris has observed and related to me last Monday, practically all STPC students have access to a tablet or at least one gadget. 

These gadgets or your iPads  may have educational apps that teach your kids how to write, read, draw, count and so on, but our children tend to lose out on real learning using all their senses, experiencing, for example, the texture of books, and most importantly interactions with people, where they can develop skills in a more holistic and engaging way. 

This is not to say that gadgets are bad, but we have to be careful in letting our children use them. I'm sure all of us are guilty, in fact, of shoving gadgets in their hands many times, when we want some quiet or especially when we are traveling and there is a long time to kill at bus terminals or at the airports, or even at restaurants or in gatherings. 

In my family, our iPads and iPhones have passcodes so my kids have to ask permission before they can use them. With my eldest, we keep a log of points he earns for each good deed he does, and when he accumulates a certain number of points we had agreed on, he gets 1 hour of internet browsing or iPad games. With our little girl, we limit the time to usually 30 minutes. Also, they get to use gadgets on weekends only. And we encourage them to share, take turns for 10 minutes each over a period of 1 hour or less. 

So how do we get our children to read? In our case, we surround them with books and educational magazines like Readers Digest. And we ourselves as parents need to show them that we love to read. We also only watch selected shows on TV. We like to watch, as a family, History Channel, travel programs, and other educational shows, and wholesome movies. 

I'd like to end this brief message by sharing with you some tips on discipline written by my 10-year-old son.

He wrote on his blog:

Insightful Parenting Tips from a 10-Year-Old Boy

Sharing my son's take on how parents could effectively discipline their children. Follow him on Wordpress. He's got very interesting posts that can cheer, inspire, bring tears, inform, and more! 

http://agarrettlubag.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/tips-on-discipline/

Blogging

Hello blogspot! It’s been years since I last signed in, and I'm so pleased and inspired with the new "stats" feature that now comes for free. Writing is not as fun as when you know that somebody out there, maybe in Europe or in some other continent, has chanced upon your blog and actually liked the stuff you have put out. Regardless of how readers are affected, if at all, or if they get something from your writings, raves, and rants, it is still humbling that somebody has taken the time to look at them. As one doctor-psychologist told me recently, every person is guilty of the KSP syndrome (kulang sa pansin - or wanting in attention).

My blogs are just an outlet of my thoughts and feelings. Not the professional sort that gets a lot of traffic. But, "acromegalic princess" (see link on the right) got quite a lot of hits from many places via different search engines and referrals. That’s what I’ve just discovered yesterday, which is the reason why I am now writing, wanting to somehow update my two blogs. I joined blogspot in 2007 when I needed a support group to understand the condition (acromegaly) I was diagnosed with. I found great support from the group of acromegaly bloggers who actively share experiences about the shock of getting diagnosed with this rare disease, compare symptoms, and discuss treatments. I had two surgeries and have been in remission since my last surgery in 2009. As there has not been much to share since, I haven’t been posting updates.

So after being silent for years, I am struggling to get something out that would be of interest. Recently, I have helped my 10-year-old son, Garrett, to start his own blog. Initially, I helped him post several of his writings, one was a poem he did as part of his English class requirements, and the others were essays or lists he did on his own time and inclination. Ever since he has learned to read (at kindergarten), he has been reading a lot. I don’t know how he has become such a voracious reader. It has come to the point when we would punish him for some misbehaviours by not allowing him to read. And reading got him into writing. He would ask for notebooks and pens as gifts. I kind of knew he had a knack for writing because as early as when he was in Grade 2, his English compositions were written quite well. I would proudly show his English notebook to his aunts, and they would be impressed.

Some friends, seeming doubtful, have asked if it was really Garrett writing the posts on his blog. He’s that good! And I will not deny it out of humility. He really is. I, too, am impressed. He writes from his heart, unreserved, candid and carefree. That’s why his writings are such a joy to read. I am happy when some friends and relatives would say they are Garrett’s fans. Well, I can proudly say I am his biggest fan! http://agarrettlubag.wordpress.com

So there! Easily, this has become about Garrett. I’ve written about him before, and would like to share that again here (see 2005 entry). Many have read it already, but whenever I read it again, I become more thankful, more appreciative, and it helps remind me of my mission – to raise a child, and raise him well.