Finding and Keeping Love

So telling, love and adoration, sans make-up and with puffy eyes.

I’ve just flipped my desk calendar from April to May. Seriously, the first week of May is lost already, forever. Wow! Each day just seems to slip by. Maybe because I feel I always want for the day to end, for sunset to come quickly, to go past the peak of summer heat from 10am to 3pm. The middle section of the house feels like it’s roasting during those hours.

How’s your summer so far? Good for you who are at work during the day. Summer’s weekdays are just like any workday in the year because you still need that shawl or coat owing to the cooler settings of your office ‘aircon.’ Thanks to SM for its presence even in provinces, their supermalls offer many a respite. Malling is to many, without work or on school break, an escape from the heat. I have a thing for SM, sorry, guys, I know I have mentioned it in several posts, not by sheer intention. I just kind of run into it as I write, like now.

Incidentally, I found myself staring at a Kultura boutique in Pico de Loro, Nasugbu, Batangas last Sunday. I asked a hotel staff if the prices were the same as in SM department stores. Yes, I was told. I learned that SM is the owner of Pico de Loro. A few years back, I was asked at Taal Vista Hotel in Tagaytay if I had an SM advantage card. Enough said about SM.

So what have I to share? I lost that writing streak during the last two weeks of April. Here’s May now, and this is my first attempt to write again. I have actually quite a few in mind. There’s as I’ve mentioned the trip to Nasugbu. That was actually to celebrate my 13^th I-Do anniversary with the hubs and kids. And then I was thinking of sharing how we are trying so hard to train the kids to consistently say po and opo. Today, I had Garrett help me clean the windows and all the curves and crannies of the window grills. It’s a great way to spend the last weeks of summer, teaching the children some new chores, after they’ve already been treated to trips to the beach or any vacation away from home. Garrett also washed his shoes, for the first time! Embarrassing, I know, for an 11 year-old to be taught just now. I’d say let’s not dwell on that.

The most cheesy and controversial posts normally get the more number of hits or visits. On that note, I will proceed to let you in on some thoughts I had the days around my wedding anniversary. My present musings are inspired by an article in the Huffington Post I had read yesterday. It went by the title The Surprising Truth About What Makes Happy Couples Happy. Catchy enough? It caught me, for one. But reading it just validates what I know already. Aha! Yup, the hubs and I appear to be a happy couple. Not to brag or anything. The core secret to our being blessed with ‘seeming’ marital bliss is #5 in the article, let me quote that in full below:

5. Know how to repair. No relationship will be free of difficulty or conflict. 

And no matter how well-meaning we are as partners, 

none of us will be a candidate for sainthood. 

Given that, it's essential that we learn to repair.

While there's no one-size-fits-all approach, repair begins with 

one person moving toward the other with an intention to heal. 

Effective couples are able to both apologize and forgive 

and to own up to the part they played in the difficulty.

We’ve had our fights. Luckily, not big ones. But there were a few times, the crazy in me would figure in arguments. Usually, just via texts, I would drop the ultimate “dare.” “Let’s just separate,” I had said that not once I think. But lucky me, I have a very sensible husband who doesn’t make patol. He keeps quiet, leaves my texts unanswered most of the time, which drives me crazier that I would send further texts of dramatic proportions. And he ignores me, comes home, doesn’t talk, and keeps to himself. His silence calms me, makes me think rational again, and in the end, I would be the one to approach and make him feel I was sorry. I have a big ego, I don’t easily say sorry. And he knows that, has accepted my egotistic self as his wife. So, we carry on, and we're now on our way to our 14th anniversary. It's not a sure, smooth-sailing journey. Like any other couple's, it's bumpy, scary at times, but we are happier, stronger, and more confident together than apart. 

On the road – beautiful road, I must say, to Nasugbu, taking the Cavitex and the new Ternate, Cavite – Nasugbu route, and passing under the Kaybiang Tunnel – I recounted how my husband would drive all the way from Cagayan Valley, all of 14-16 hours, to Los Baños just to see me every month for five years before we got married. I told him that that must have been love, because if it wasn’t love, I didn’t know what was. Haha, of course, that’s cliché! But it’s true. And Ethan Hawke in Before Midnight reminded me of that beautiful line. Go see that movie! It’s very relatable.

So to my married friends, here’s my two cents’ worth, if you don’t mind my meddling. Unless your spouse is in a relationship or fling with someone else, he/she is hurting you physically or verbally, or he/she is being lazy providing for you and the family, take heart. You’re blessed to have a long-time partner. Breathe, forgive, heal, and love. 

Intertwined by Fate

Before leaving for work, Let (my husband) asked me what date it is today. And like in the past years since 2001 (the year we got married), I fell into the trap. I paused to think and told him the date, not realizing why he asked in the first place. “Friday was August 9 so that makes today August 12,” I unwittingly replied. He nodded his head and winked. It hit me as before, it’s August 12! It was the most important date for us until 2001.

It was on the night of August 12 in 1996 at the soccer field in UP Los Banos that we confirmed our feelings for each other. Our lives have since been intertwined. We went steady for five years before we settled to start a family. Most of the time we were apart as he was working in Cagayan Valley. And so August 12 was a big day for us during those five years, as he would (if he could) drive 14 hours to Laguna just to celebrate our anniversary on the date itself. And if he could not, he would, without fail, arrange with a friend to buy and deliver me flowers.

Our common friends would happily attest to how crazy I was over Let. Now, I kind of wonder why. Really, it was like I was living out the song "Got to Believe in Magic." Let was not a looker. He looked generally okay, fair-skinned. Oh, but he was slim then! There was something about him – an aura that was ironically humble (playing the underdog) yet hinting of bravado and confidence. And I was an easy prey to his distinct kind of charm.

It has been 17 long years now. We bicker, argue, exchange hurting words sometimes. But our love is deeply rooted to how we began. No one forced us to be together. No one, but fate, I guess. It all came so naturally for us. There was not even a courtship to speak about. We met, we fell in love, and we remain.

How could I have forgotten? August is truly special! :-)

Age Check

The day I became fully aware of myself relative to the people surrounding me and in the context that I was regarded as an individual - a child, that is - was I think the day that I wished I could speed up growing. I thought being a child had so many limitations. I wanted to escape doing school assignments and projects. I envied my mother who would wake up later than me, go to work, come home by 5pm, and didn't have anything to worry over aside from routine housework that could not all be delegated to the helper. I felt more mature than children my age, but, then again, obviously, I was not making real sense of life as it were. I might be around 10 years old at the time these thoughts were running in my pubescent mind. 

Fast forward to 28 years later, I have not denied nor evaded queries about my age. In fact, I would always round it off to the right on the number line. I am acually looking forward to when I could rightfully and proudly say, "I'm forty." :-)

Has it been 28 years already? Somehow, I don't feel it's been that long. Although, yes, I may look even more advanced than my 38 years (rounded off). Please say no! :-) But, I still like shopping in stores that cater to the young - Kamiseta, Bayo, etc. 

Fashion experts and/or stylists segmentize their market by age, usually into 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s and up. And they would recommend specific colors/hues and designs/cuts for each age bracket. This is a subject of argument between myself and my conservative husband. He would object to prints, plaids, and loud colors, and would only compliment my get-up when it had no frills and was in earth color. Oh, he thinks he's an expert, able to tell the kind of textile even. He would spoil my day when I would ride with him going to work, shaking his head or giving me a sarcastic/devilish smile, scorning my outfit. But I don't actually hate him for it, because I know he has an elegant, classic taste, and just wanted to make me dress smarter. Unfortunately, I didn't have the money to patronize signature clotheslines in the likes of Prada, Armani, or even the low end of the high-end such as M&S, Promod, and elite brands I only encounter when I find myself (rarely) in the posh shops at Greenbelt or Shangri-La, or when I get to swing by Singapore and walk the Orchard Road. :-)

The bottom line is that I can not as yet give up pink, from the palest to its brightest shade -- reminds me of the singer Pink! Just give me a reason, baby, why I ought to ditch pink. I won't on account of my age. :-)

My daughter Gabee is crazy over everything pink, down to foods that are pink. 

Well, whatever feels right, no matter how young or old we are, I feel we should go for that. But we must also be wise and consider the advice of the people who sincerely care and only have our best interests at heart. Allow them to temper but not kill the fun and adventure of how we conduct ourselves, by how we dress, and in other ways. 

To my husband, I would again say, "Just live, and let live. Never mind that others (including your wife) seem to have forgotten to dress their age."

To Let

Woke up thankful to feel some relief from a sinusitis headache. Today I celebrate with my family our 12th wedding anniversary. It's a special day minus the pomp. We're halfway now to our silver year. I have stopped asking for flowers after our 10th when he obliged and had a huge arrangement delivered to my office. I gave up requesting for jewelries as well, as I now get why he wouldn't budge on this issue. :)

We affirm our love in the most simple and basic ways, a gaze, a touch. We often find ourselves in each other's company comfortable in peaceful silence, not needing to find words to say. Difficult times at work and everyday events are not shared in detail. It's enough that we know we have each other. No matter what, we always see the silver lining. It's this day in 2001 that we can always look back to. We have come through trials related to health. With two beautiful children and a solid respect for and trust in each other, the years ahead are exciting as we do not know what life can throw our way, but the constancy of our love gives great comfort.

Seven-year itch

There's some truth to what they call as the seven-year itch that married couples go through. Seven years into the marriage, Let and I have become accustomed to each other--life's become a routine. Romance has taken a back seat as we worry more about mortgage, kids' education, college and even memorial plans, car maintenance and insurance, keeping our yaya's, etc., etc... Stress from work adds to the problem. The time we spend with each other has become less and less. Distractions are everywhere and unless we make a conscious effort to find time for each other, we'd eventually drift farther away.

Couples need to keep the sparks alive. Twelve years ago, we fell madly in love. We knew right from the start that we were headed for the real thing. I miss that feeling. It's been drowned out by everyday events--big and small--but it's still there. Definitely there!

Falling out of love is not a choice. Staying married and in love is a decision.

The wedding at St. Marc's Chapel, National Arts Center, Mt. Makiling, Los Banos, Laguna.

On our 5th wedding anniversary, Taal Vista Lodge, Tagaytay.