Monday, October 14, 2013

In and out of my shell

I feel I am a little girl, a teenager, a fresh graduate, a new wife, a new mom all over again every time I go out of my comfort zone. It's like I get out of my shell, and then when things get comfortable and become routine, I settle too well that after a long while, I crawl back into my shell with old and new fears creeping in. 

I would say that as I age, the more I want to stay put, the less I want to lay on the table whatever chips I have already in my keeping. These thoughts have come to mind as I ponder having another child, a third one if it happens. I'm 38. I have a son and a daughter already. My youngest is five. Why would I want another one? Exactly the question thrown in my face by my well-meaning OB-Gyne who saw me through my second pregnancy which went not without complications. 

Oct 11
It's been 10 days since my last post. I feel lethargic these days as with  my writing muscle. I find myself at SM, at the same coffee spot where I was last Sept 16 when I published my birthday post. My daughter and I just finished shopping for girly stuff for her - dresses, a blouse, shoes and a dainty hair bow. Shopping has gotten my adrenaline up, and so I'm making an attempt at blog-writing again. Pardon the break in my prose. I'm no writer, still a wannabe. :-) 

I typed on my phone the first two paragraphs yesterday at a barber shop while waiting for my son get a haircut. Where was I on my thoughts? I guess I'm just rambling. So I will not share this post like I always do on my fb timeline. Although I mainly write for myself to keep sane and put off being rustic while out of job, I secretly wish that others would read my thoughts, relate to my stories, or get a little something out of them, even just a faint smile. C'mon!! 

I am inherently shy, and get nervous easily. That's my nature, and then personal circumstances kind of aggravated it a bit. But then I would find myself challenged, and I would defy my shy-nervous nature, get out of my shell shaking, but motivated. Funny that I also kind of blame it to being born under the zodiac sign Virgo, the pessimist. The positive thing about it is that Virgos are known to be good planners, organized and practical. I'd like to think that the bright side is that I got those traits, too, which help me cope and go beyond my limits. Funny also that I come off as strong and "mataray" to those who do not know me well. Well, that's not so bad than being thought of as a weakling. If only they knew how weak in the knees I could be. 

So what gave me the idea to write about being shy, getting out of my shell. Sorry, I'm still rambling. That stiff writing muscle is to blame! I'm now at Medical City awaiting my turn for a routine follow-up with one of my doctors. (I'm ok.)

I am proud of myself for recently driving outside my usual routes. I drive to just the same places and avoid going to places I've never been to. But last week, I went out to locate two spots on the goggle map. And I did so with flying colors. Pat on the back. I feel a sense of accomplishment. I went out of my shell. Inconsequential as it might seem to you, it's a big thing for me. :-) 

Goodbye, until my next post, hopefully a decently thought out one that would not waste the time of a few. There goes Ms Pessimist. I hate her a lot of times.  

Oh, but I'm happy to break the 'now' 13-day blog silence. Positive vibes for the week ahead. No more typhoons and floods, please. :-) 

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